Today, or perhaps yesterday depending on your time zone, Apple announced the iPad. Now, if you are getting this news from me I feel bad for you, as I am hardly the fastest source of information. In fact, the truth is I only know three things about it.
1. It has a funny name.
2. It is a larger iPhone that is missing features people wanted.
3. You will buy one.
Let’s talk about each in turn, shall we?
1. Funny name, Turd Fergison
If you can recall The Simpsons episode featuring Homer in the B-Sharps, when deciding on the name it was said that the name needed to be funny at first but less so each time you say it. Nintendo struck gold with this method because talking about playing with your Wii is now socially acceptable. The iPad will get its fair share of menstrual jokes but at the end of the day it is a good name. It flows with the Apple iThing naming standard, of course, but also describes it perfectly. It is a fancy notepad. Some have said they preferred the name “iSlate.” Now, I got a C in marketing but even I know that sounds like a rock.
2. It sucks.
I’ve only been a fan of Apple for the past six years, but I cannot recall a time when Apple has made an announcement and the Internet has not had a hissy fit. I’ll be honest, I’ve not looked at the specs of the iPad, but do I really need to? Apple has had a trend of not putting in things that seem obvious but in the end I end up not missing them. This has happened over and over again with Apple products that I’ve bought that it almost frighteningly feels as if Apple knows what I want more than I do. It seems Apple realizes that we as people are much more flexible than technology. We develop our patterns and around technology and not the reverse. What we want and what we actually need are so similar and thus so hard to distinguish. I almost feel that whenever something is left out, after us of the product I find myself wondering why I wanted what I did in the first place. It’s bizarre to be sure, but it has happened far too often at this point to simply dismiss. Were it only Apple products I could dismiss it as fanboyism, but that hasn’t been the case. Whatever it is Apple packs under the hood of the iPad, I’m sure it will deliver the experience Apple wants me to have and the product and I will work out to find the pattern of usage that works for us.
3. You’re gonna buy this thing, like it or not.
I say you and not I because I am poor right now and cannot afford the thing. Now, you may be the kind of person who absolutely refuses to buy Apple products and do not hesitate to tell anyone that you don’t while you boast your Linux running toaster and open software fueled hat. And I’ll never understand you, but I suppose it just wasn’t meant to be. But I say “you” to mean the general public because this will be purchased. The iPod taught us that simplicity is key, and the iPhone has taught us that simplicity can be poweful. And while I will not proclaim the iPad to be a smash success, I am confident that it will, like many Apple products before it, change the way many people do certain tasks.
