Read this. Then, if you’d like to hear my opinion, move on. Or, ignore that link but realize that I’ll reference it a few times indirectly.
Video gamers being the general unfit lot that we are, have not in general responded well to Nintendo Wii1. While a smash success, Nintendo’s sales stride with the Wii appears to be on a potential decline and this year is the clutch year for Sony or Microsoft to lynchpin their own ass-shaking devices into the market. Last year we heard about Natal, Microsoft’s awkwardly birth-related sounded camera device which Peter Molyneux told us would be the advent in being able to simulate interactions with little boys. I’m scared already.
Not having a cool project code name to change into a penis related moniker2 Microsoft apparently wanted to follow Nintendo’s lead again by picking a word and spelling it funny. They chose Kinect, which almost sounds like connect but not quite. This seems to go hand in hand with the actual product seeming like a good idea, but not quite.
If you thought you looked like an ass playing the Wii, just wait until you check out Kinect! Moving your entire body has never been so awkward looking. I could link to images and photoshops of people looking goofy as hell using Kinect all day, but I won’t. Thankfully, Microsoft is making this sound like the next coming of Gamer Jesus, so you won’t have to worry about my skepticism when Kinect releases and I am eternally punished in Microsoft’s own version of hell. I believe Windows ME gets installed into your colon in layer four of that particular hell.
One of the first games show is Kinecticmals, which apparently lets you handle some pussy cats and make you vaguely feel like you’ve been sold some new age calorie counting device. You’ve then got your Kinects Sports and Dance Like You Mean It3 to round out the copying Nintendo technique. We’ve also apparently been promised games from Lucas Arts and Disney to let us swing light sabers as Mickey Mouse or have a tea party with Darth Vader. I may have missed some of the exact details here.
All in all, I think Microsoft missed the point. Wii Sports was the big boy in showing the whole motion gaming thing to the world, with people acting out their sports moves excessively for massive fun. Kinect seems to have that down, and for your whole body, but what then? The Wiiremote’s ability to function with games where you didn’t have to move around entirely is where the device’s true form began to show. Hell, you can play Wii Sports sitting down. It’s not as much fun, but it’s possible. That flexibility is to me the Wii’s strongpoint. Will Kinect allow such flexibility?
What is Kinect’s groove? What need is it trying to fill other than “me too”ing off the back of Nintendo? The extra device to be used just for these particular games? I guess. Even if you’re not concerned with looking like an ass while playing video games, and I know I’m not, Microsoft just hasn’t shown that Kinect is worth it at this point. We’re going to get similar experiences to before with a slightly different control mechanism, which basically has been done before with the Playstation EyeToy. This seems to be the more powerful, more sophisticated version of that, but didn’t this generation show us that more power and more sophistication of an idea people have already gotten used to isn’t necessarily the winning strike?
I’ll happily try out Kinect when I have a chance, but I’m not quite interested just yet. Microsoft needs more than Cirque du Solei and old men talking about simulating with little boys to get me interested.
